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(Fic) We were Lovers ~ Chapter 1

We were Lovers
~Chapter 1
Red Carnation, My heart Aches of You

Kira always thought that good things happened to good people; if you were good in life and performed good deeds, karma would reward you and give you good things. But now he was starting to think his past life must've been a terrible person.

It hurt to see them together. Walking, talking, training, he felt sick to his stomach knowing they did more than working together in their office, at night....

Some of the vaizards had been requested to lead their Divisions again, and Izuru was glad to finally have someone that would finally not complain about paperwork, but he felt a little hurt that Shuuhei was only too happy to have his childhood idol as his own captain.

He was jealous, he accepted that fact. And it hurt.

Rose-taicho was good to him though, he was grateful for that. He'd allowed him a month long vacation but Kira was starting to doubt if it was such a good thing; without something to occupy his mind he couldn't but think about Shuuhei.

Shuuhei, Shuuhei and Shuuhei.

His first love. 'First love is foolish' Renji had told him once as they lay in bed back in the Academy. Izuru figured he was talking about Rukia, just before Renji had corrected him about his notion that sex had anything to do with love. But being the young student he was, Izuru refused to accept Renji's view of things and stuck to his idea that someday his crush would return his feelings. Too bad said crush had crushed his feelings instead.

Had he been too passive? Not assertive enough? Matsumoto did always say he was a bit of a wet blanket when it didn't involve alcohol....

He'd certainly been a liar to himself and subsequently to others, such as right now, smiling back at Shuuhei during lunch.

"Muguruma-san and I are together now~! Isn't it great Kira~?"

"Yes, it's wonderful Hisagi-san."

"We're having a party tonight to celebrate, think you can make it?"

"I'll be there." Kira assured with a smile, dying a little inside.

Of course, the only advantage he had here was the alcohol. Alcohol was like a blanket he could hide under and nobody would have to see what was there.

He cried his eyes out and fortunately everyone took them to be tears of happiness, since he was the type of person to be glad for someone else's happiness, right? He cried for himself and his unfulfilled love, cursing his goddamned luck and goodwill to see for others before himself. Why couldn't he just be selfish once and take what he deserved after years of devotion and quiet admiration?

He was stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. The chances had slipped his fingers and Kira had let them, and now his little heart laid crushed at his feet in an irreparable pile.

In his poetic mind, Kira saw his love like a flower, beautiful and crushed on the dirty ground for everyone to walk over it. Just like Gin had called him once, a broken flower.

To be continued...

Comments

Hmmm....*grins* Is it bad I'm dying to know what Kira does and I'm thinking it's not going to be at all nice? (what can I say? Kensei/Shuuhei is my OTP, but I'm open to other pairings as long as Shuuhei is involved and they're all kept IC). So yes, looking forward to your next chapter.
Thanks! Next chapter is next weekend if I can write it, but yeah, nothing about this fic is gonna be nice.
Waaaaaah, I love your fics!

Sorry for not reading them in the past time, but I had kinda lost my interest in Bleach. But on cue, this one (yours) picked my interest! It's always you!

This was great!
In character and it suits them much! Kira letting his chances slip and Shuuhei grasping them.
Update soon, onegaishimas!
This sounds like a very interesting tableau. I very much like the contradicting mix of self-insight towards himself, Kira's idea of love and how he regards himself and the constant mask Kira wears around others.

I can't wait to learn what will happen next. I doubt that Kira will remain the way he is right now, right? hehe But will he really - finally - try to get his hands onto what he desires the most? ;)

If I don't comment on the next part, feel free to nudge me! <3